Couples Therapy vs. Relationship Counselling: What's the Difference?

Whether you have discovered infidelity in your relationship, you feel you are experiencing communication breakdowns, or you feel a growing sense of disconnection from your partner, getting support for your relationship can be a valuable next step. However, the process of finding a therapist and choosing the right kind of therapy can feel daunting. You might be asking: should we try couples therapy or relationship counselling? And is there even a difference?

No matter if you need couples therapy for cheating, infidelity therapy, or therapy for trust issues, this blog will help you understand the best next step for you. Below the difference between couples therapy and relationship counselling — and how to choose the right kind of support based on your needs will be explained.


TL;DR

  • Couples therapy is generally works with both partners to improve relationship dynamics and resolve chronic difficulties.

  • Relationship counselling often refers to individual work with a therapist to improve how you interact with your partner.

  • Both types of therapy may address infidelity, trust issues, emotional distance, communication problems, jealousy, or ADHD-related relationship patterns.

  • Neither term 'couples therapist' nor 'relationship counselor' is protected which means anyone can use them no matter their qualifications and experience so it is important you choose carefully.

  • At Equilibrium Psychology, we offer evidence-based, trauma-informed therapy for couples of all identities and backgrounds.

  • All our couples therapists and relationship counselors are university trained and AHPRA registered Clincial Psychologists and Clinical Psychologist registrars with specific training and interest in couples and relationship therapy.

What's the Difference Between Couples Therapy and Relationship Counselling?

Couples therapy is a structured, evidence-based approach delivered to both partners in a couple. It can also be tailored to all partners in a polyamorous relationship. Therapy often explores deeper emotional patterns (schemas); attachment issues; trauma histories; and long-standing relational dysfunctions. It can be practical skills based work to solve common complaints or insight oriented work to better understand yourself and your partner and how you show up in your relationship.

Relationship counselling can be delivered to only one partner of a couple and can be more focused on the individuals: attachment vulnerabilities; unhelpful core beliefs, schemas and thinking patterns; relationship OCD; skills-building including communication, boundary setting and assertiveness; and assistance problem solving ongoing relationship difficulties.

When Might You Need Couples Therapy?

You might need the extra support and guidance of a trained couples therapist if you are experiencing any of the following in your relationship:

Communication Difficulties

  • Constant misunderstandings or talking past each other

  • Escalating arguments or "walking on eggshells"

  • Feeling unheard, dismissed, or shut down

  • Trouble expressing needs, boundaries, or emotions

Infidelity or Betrayal

  • Recovery from an affair (emotional or physical)

  • Ongoing secrecy, dishonesty, or broken trust

  • Rebuilding safety after betrayal

  • Fear of repeating past patterns

Trust and Jealousy Issues

  • Insecurity or jealousy damaging connection

  • Fear of abandonment or being replaced

  • Checking phones, needing reassurance, or control issues

  • Past trauma interfering with trust

Emotional or Physical Disconnection

  • Feeling more like housemates than partners

  • Lack of affection, closeness, or emotional safety

  • One partner "shuts down" or withdraws

  • Intimacy avoidance or touch aversion

  • Not having shared goals or dreams for the future

Sexual Difficulties

  • Mismatched libidos or desire discrepancies

  • Painful or unsatisfying sex

  • Performance anxiety or avoidance

  • Difficulty talking about sexual needs

  • Navigating changes after kids, menopause, or illness

Mental Health or Neurodiversity

  • One or both partners living with anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc.

  • Neurodivergent couples (e.g. ADHD, autism) navigating relationship friction

  • Carer fatigue or compassion burnout

  • Needing support navigating mental load, executive functioning, or emotional regulation differences

  • Difficulties with substance use, pornography addiction, or gambling that is affecting the relationship.

High Conflict or Repeating Patterns

  • Recurring arguments that never get resolved

  • Passive-aggressive dynamics or resentment

  • "Attack–withdraw" cycles or explosive outbursts

  • Power struggles or competitiveness

Life Transitions or External Stress

  • Becoming parents or adjusting to blended families

  • Career changes, relocation, or immigration stress

  • Caring for ageing parents or chronic illness

  • Financial pressures, fertility issues, or grief

  • Difficulty managing third parties influence on the relationship (eg. Mother-in-law; ex-partner; step children; boss etc)


Attachment Issues and Trauma

  • Childhood trauma influencing relationship patterns

  • Anxious–avoidant dynamics

  • Difficulty being vulnerable or depending on others

  • Fear of commitment, engulfment, or rejection


Pre-Marital or Preventative Therapy

  • Wanting to build a strong foundation before marriage or cohabitation

  • Exploring values, expectations, and conflict styles

  • Learning how to handle disagreements constructively


Deciding Whether to Stay or Leave

  • Break-up therapy or conscious uncoupling

  • Clarifying if the relationship is salvageable

  • Navigating separation respectfully (especially when children are involved)


To Heal from a Breakup or Divorce

  • Processing grief, loss, or confusion after a relationship ends

  • Understanding "what went wrong" and breaking unhelpful patterns

  • Navigating co-parenting or shared responsibilities post-separation

  • Rebuilding self-worth and identity


When might individual relationship counseling help?

To Work Through Relationship Patterns

  • Repeating the same painful dynamics in relationships

  • Attracting emotionally unavailable or avoidant partners

  • Falling into anxious attachment or over-functioning

  • Struggling with boundaries, people-pleasing, or emotional dependence

To Understand Your Role in Relationship Issues

  • Gaining clarity about personal behaviours that contribute to conflict

  • Identifying unspoken expectations, triggers, and coping mechanisms

  • Learning to express needs more clearly and confidently

  • Exploring how family of origin or past trauma shapes present relationships

To Cope with Current Relationship Challenges

  • If your partner won't attend therapy, but issues persist

  • Feeling unseen, unheard, or undervalued in the relationship

  • Navigating jealousy, trust issues, or emotional withdrawal

  • Trying to make sense of mixed signals, distancing, or gaslighting

  • Individual infidelity or affair therapy with or without disclosure to your partner

  • Individual counselling if you have a narcissist or emotionally avoidant partner

To Improve Communication and Connection

  • - Learning how to speak up without starting a fight

  • - Reducing defensiveness, reactivity, or emotional shutdown

  • - Practicing empathy, active listening, and emotional regulation

  • - Building skills to deepen intimacy and mutual respect

To Explore Relationship Readiness

  • Wanting a healthy partnership but unsure how to create it

  • Fear of commitment, being hurt, or losing independence

  • Navigating singleness with intention and self-awareness

  • Working through dating anxiety, avoidance, or sexual shame

To Navigate Neurodiversity or Mental Health in Relationships

  • Understanding how ADHD, autism, anxiety, or trauma impacts intimacy

  • Managing emotional regulation, rejection sensitivity, or executive functioning differences

  • Learning how to communicate your needs and advocate for yourself

To Make Big Decisions

  • Should I stay or go?

  • Should I move in, get engaged, or have kids with this person?

  • What kind of relationship do I really want?

  • Can this relationship be repaired, or is it time to let go?

To Prepare for a Future Relationship

  • Learning how to choose partners aligned with values and needs

  • Healing from the past before dating again

  • Building confidence, emotional resilience, and relational clarity

  • Exploring sexuality, attachment style, or relational identity

What Models of Therapy Do We Use?

At Equilibrium Psychology, our clinicians are trained in internationally recognised and evidence based approaches. We will often combine elements of different approaches into a treatment program for a couple. Our favoured approaches include:

  • Gottman Method Couples Therapy – focuses on conflict management, emotional connection, and friendship-building.

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – helps couples build secure attachment bonds and heal emotional disconnection.

  • PACT Couples Therapy (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) – explores nervous system regulation, attachment styles, and real-time communication patterns.

What Is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is an evidence-based approach developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, based on over 40 years of research into what makes relationships succeed or fail. It aims to strengthen the friendship, intimacy, and conflict management skills between partners while addressing underlying emotional patterns.

Key Principles of the Gottman Method

  • Build Love Maps Help partners deeply understand each other's inner worlds — values, hopes, worries, and goals.

  • Share Fondness and Admiration Increase appreciation and respect to create a culture of emotional positivity.

  • Turn Toward Instead of Away Teach partners to respond to each other's bids for attention, support, and connection.

  • Manage Conflict Focus on healthy conflict management, not elimination. Includes tools to de-escalate arguments and repair after fights.

  • Make Life Dreams Come True Explore each partner's values and support the pursuit of personal and shared goals.

  • Create Shared Meaning Develop rituals, goals, and narratives that bring meaning to the relationship.

How It Works in Therapy

The Gottman Method includes:

  • Thorough assessment of the couple's strengths and struggles

  • Structured exercises to improve communication

  • Homework to build new habits of connection

  • Interventions to shift negative interaction patterns ("The Four Horsemen")

  • Techniques for repair, de-escalation, and rebuilding trust

What Issues Is It Used For?

Gottman Therapy is highly effective for:

  • Communication breakdowns

  • Ongoing conflict or criticism

  • Infidelity recovery

  • Emotional disconnection

  • Trust issues and jealousy

  • Premarital counselling and long-term maintenance

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based couples therapy model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It focuses on strengthening the emotional bond between partners by helping them identify and transform negative interaction cycles that create distance, insecurity, or conflict.

EFT is backed by decades of research and is known for creating long-lasting change by addressing the root of relational distress — not just the symptoms.

Core Goals of EFT

  • Recognise and de-escalate negative patterns Help partners understand the emotional needs and fears driving conflict or withdrawal.

  • Access vulnerable emotions Create safety so that partners can express feelings like fear, hurt, or longing instead of anger or blame.

  • Build secure emotional attachment Foster connection, responsiveness, and emotional safety so couples can turn to each other during stress or disconnection.

What Issues Is EFT Used For?

  • Emotional disconnection or avoidance

  • High conflict cycles

  • Attachment insecurity

  • Infidelity or betrayal

  • Relationship distress from trauma or mental health issues

What is PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy)

PACT was developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin and is based on cutting-edge research in neuroscience, attachment theory, and arousal regulation.

PACT focuses on helping couples co-regulate their nervous systems and create safety through real-time, body-based awareness.

Key Features of PACT

  • Uses live, in-session interactions to observe and shift unhelpful dynamics as they happen

  • Builds secure-functioning relationships, where both partners prioritise fairness, sensitivity, and collaboration

  • Emphasises the couple as a two-person system, not two individuals

How Is PACT Different?

PACT is experiential and fast-paced. The therapist tracks micro-expressions, posture, tone, and nonverbal cues — helping partners develop deeper emotional attunement, accountability, and repair skills in real-time.

What Issues Is PACT Used For?

  • Repeating conflict patterns

  • Attachment-related difficulties (avoidant, anxious, or disorganised styles)

  • Communication shutdowns or volatility

  • Trauma or neurodivergence impacting relationship dynamics

PACT is especially effective for couples where traditional talk therapy hasn't been enough, and where emotional reactivity, shutdowns, or unresolved trauma keep getting in the way.

Why Choose Equilibrium Psychology?

  • Located in Sydney CBD, easily accessible by public transport- a 3 min walk from Wynyard station

  • Registered clinical psychologists with specialist couples therapy training

  • Support for LGBTQI couples therapy and gay couples counselling

  • We offer individual couples counselling aka relationship counselling if one partner wants to start alone

  • We offer ADHD couples counselling and neurodivergent couples therapy

  • After-hours and telehealth sessions available Australia-wide

Next Steps

Whether you're looking to rebuild trust, deepen connection, or work through longstanding tension, couples therapy or relationship counselling can help.

👉 Send an enquiry online, or

📞 Call our friendly team on (02) 9262 6156 to explore whether therapy is the right next step for you and your partner.


*Last updated: August 2025*

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These services are available 24/7 and can provide immediate support.

Gemille Cribb